“All men cheat!” Nope, this is not from a title of a song, though it has become a declarative anthem from almost all the women I speak to. Now I will be the first to say that this generalisation does not hold true only because of the use of the word “All” which makes the statement an unfair rationale. However the more I look into it and talk to both men and women who are either dating, in a relationship, or are married, it is almost impossible to find a man who doesn’t! Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of women that do cheat and play the field while the man remains faithful, but it is still easier to find a woman who is faithful than a man who is (this is based on my experiences and some of my friends experiences). I remember talking to one guy and he told me that he doesn’t believe that man should be monogamous and the reason we see a lot of broken relationships and marriages only adds substance to the fact!
I am going to be honest and say I have never cheated while I have been in a relationship. At least not physically, my thoughts and my eyes have sometimes wondered, but when I am in it, I am in it. Now this comes down to a choice I have made for myself. It is not like I haven’t been approached by men whilst I have been in a relationship and there are times when the temptation is almost overwhelming, but I already know where I am weak and if I know I can’t say no, then I just choose to not put myself in that situation. It’s hard, but not impossible.
But then someone asked me, “Would you ever cheat?”….. and that made me ask, “What makes one cheat?” I know it is all relative, but I would like to think that there is something fundamentally there that when it boils down to it, it is universally true. Like the fact that we all want to be loved. I don’t care who you are or what you have been through, as long as you are human this holds true. Some people cheat because they are “Unsatisfied” (I use this term loosely) in their relationship, others cheat because they want to experiment, some cheat in retaliation, others because they are bored or a combination of all the above and others still just because they can. The list can be exhausting and I don’t have an answer to the question on what makes one cheat, just my thoughts and speculations and my own life experiences.
Quite some years ago, I dated a guy that I thought was my dream guy. He had the looks, the charms, the name, the money, the entire package. Very shallow and superficial qualities, but hey I was young and I thought it was enough. It didn’t take long for that dream to turn into a living nightmare as I discovered things about him and myself that woke me up from dreamland. I was warned left and right about this guy, but when you are ” in love” you don’t want to hear anything bad about your boo. I gave up a lot for him, including my friends and family. I soon became this shell of a woman as this guy gained more and more power over me. I had always considered myself a strong woman, but I had never felt so weak. With all the sh*t he put me through, I was appalled that I still loved him. It made me hate myself because I was sure something was wrong with me. This guy was cheating on me and playing me for a fool and I let him. When a friend confronted me with the truth, it hit me like a slap across the face, which was exactly what I needed. So I understand what it is like to be so caught up in something it is hard to see the truth or even accept it. I am thankful I came out of that relationship with only a broken heart, but I am also thankful for it because what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.
It is very easy to blame someone else for our actions, but at the end of the day, we chose to do what we did and must live and deal with the consequences. No one knows you better than you, and you know what makes you tick and what gets you going. When you cheat, you make a conscious decision to do so, so please don’t blame it on the alcohol, the drugs, or the fact that you were seduced and you had no choice “but to do the deed.” It’s a new year, but that doesn’t mean we get to reset the past and have a clean slate. Instead of letting the past weigh us down, let’s learn from it and become better human beings for ourselves and those we love. Tomorrow is not promised to us, so let’s make today count.
“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”― C. JoyBell C.
My God-given theme for this year is Breakthrough, and when I say breakthrough I mean BREAKTHROUGH! Last year showed me that life is too short to spend even a fraction of second worrying about tomorrow and what may happen. Life is meant to be lived in the now, savoring each moment like you would savor a creamy strawberry cheesecake (or insert any of your favorite dessert). Each “mistake”, experience, moment, thought, expression and so forth should become pieces of treasure we can fill in our life treasure chest, so that when we open the chest full of these treasures, we will smile and thank God that each piece is a priceless memory of no regrets. This is not to say that you shouldn’t think about the future in the least, actually quite the contrary. If you embrace today, you are already setting yourself up for tomorrow and all its possibilities.
I honestly don’t think I have been this excited about a new year ever. I can’t tangibly explain it except I know that I know that I know that it is going to b a great year. One that will leave a huge mark for the rest of my life, for it will be a year that will change the direction of my life road. I also know that I know that its going to be an amazing year for those around me. Especially those close to me (you know who you are) but it all starts from the inside out. Hence my little title that rhymes: “Embracing me in 2013”. After reading all this, some will conclude that I am being naive and got my head in the clouds, but then those are the ones who do not know me. For I know we are living in a very real world and have always considered myself a realist. But I am a realist with perspective. I know I am not perfect, that I have flaws, that I will make mistakes, that I will experience pain, that I will cry and that I will hurt. However this year I consciously choose how I am going to adjust my attitude in the midst of adversity. Instead of focusing on the problem, focus on the solution. I think this sums it up best for me: “Legacy is not what’s left tomorrow when you’re gone. It’s what you give, create, impact and contribute today while you’re here that then happens to live on.” ― Rasheed Ogunlaru